My parents

So I was sitting here tonight, thinking about my parents, and I decided to write a blog about them.  I know a lot of people may not know that both of my parents have passed away and this is a way I can share there stories, because I know people don't want to ask after I have just told them.

My dad died when I was 16.  He had chronic lymphositic leukemia.  It is basically cancer of the lymphocytes or blood.  He had it for 6 years.  When he was getting worse, my parents went to MD Anderson hospital in Huston, Texas to see what treatment he could get there.  Unfortunately, the day after he got there they found out he was bleeding internally and weren't able to do any tests.  My mom made the decision to air ambulance him back home to Springfield, where we finally found a doctor that would accept him as a patient (his previous doctor wouldn't take him back, and I have always hated that doctor since then)  My dad was a big guy.  He was 6'2'' and probably 280's.  He was solid!  Very strong.  He was a semi mechanic so he had to be!  So when I went to Springfield to see him the nurse told me that I probably wouldn't recognize him and I thought she was nuts.  I mean I knew who my dad was.  When I walked into his room, I almost walked back out thinking I had the wrong room.  She was right, I didn't hardly recognize him.  He weighted around 140 lbs.  His skin just was hanging off his bones.  He asked me how his truck was (that he had bought for me not long before he left)  After that, he didn't talk very much.  He would hallucinate from pain meds and get agitated because he was in so much pain.  I wasn't there when he died, but my mom and his mom and sister were.  My poor mom had such a hard time with it for a long time and I didn't know or could imagine what she was going though.  She would take anxiety medications and I knew that and just didn't think much of it.  I soon learned how she felt because after she died, I ended up taking anxiety medication.  I can remember leaving to go out with my friends and he saying she was going to take her medication and try to go to bed.  If I even knew a little of how she felt, I would have NEVER left her.  I am so scared when I have panic attacks and the last thing I want is to be left alone.  It still hurts me and bothers me that I left her when she needed me.  I just wish I would have known.

The day my dad died, we finally got home late, and I went to bed and I had just turned out my light and was just laying there and I felt something sit down on my bed and shake my shoulder.  I sat up and turned on the light and nothing was there.  It scared me so bad that I slept with my mom for a year!  But I think it was just my dad telling me he was ok.  That is how he used to wake me up in the mornings.  When he had his funeral, we went into the church and it was sunny and no clouds were in the sky, when we came out to go to the cemetery it was pouring rain and storming.  It rained all the way until the burial service was over and then it stopped.  His nickname was Storm.

My mom died when I was 23.  She died of sarcodosis.  It is an autoimmune disease and it attacked her lungs and left scar tissue.  Only 3% of people who have sarcodosis die from it.  Usually you just get a spot of it, and it goes away.  Her's was progressive.  She also had asthma, COPD (never smoked a day in her life) and chronic brochitis.  She struggled to breath for years.  A couple of years after my dad died, her health started to deteriorate.  She was in and out of the hospital, usually at least 2 times a year, usually for pneumonia.   She was put on oxygen which was hard for her.  She had to carry around an oxygen tank everywhere she went.  At home she had an oxygen concentrator that used normal air.  The last time she went into the hospital shortly after Christmas 2006 she was in for a long time.  The ended up sending her to a nursing home for rehab because she just wasn't strong enough to go home yet.  She was only there for about 12 hours before she was ambulanced back to the hospital because she couldn't breathe.  It was the middle of the night and I went and she said she was ok and I should go home.  So I did.  A nurse called me the next morning around 6 and said that she was being moved to intermediate care, and a little later she was moved to ICU.  Then I got a call saying that she was being put on a ventilator.  I can't even describe what I thought in that moment.  I called Becky (my mom #2 and her beset friend) and she came with me to the hospital.  I have never been more scared in my life.  She was critical and I can remember her long time doctor struggling to tell me that she probably wasn't going to make it.  She stayed on the ventilator and seemed to be making some improvement.  We developed a method of her spelling out letters in my hand to tell me things because she was too weak to even hold a pencil.  Eventually she got to the point where she could write and she would write messages to us.  She even was going for a couple hours a day without being on the vent.  There was talk of her going to St. Louis to a rehab facility that would rehab her and get her off the vent.  On Friday I left her in good spirits.  She developed a secondary infection and a call early in the morning told me that I needed to come ASAP.  The nurse, who was really fond of her, told me that she said she wanted to be taken off the vent.  That she was tired of fighting.  It was unbelievably hard to hear and Becky and her sister were mad because they thought she was giving up, but I understood why.  She had fought and fought for so many years and she was tired.  I can't imagine how hard that decision was for her, but I think she knew it was one she wanted to make so I didn't have to.  As she wished she was taken off the vent on Sunday afternoon and she died Monday morning around 11am.  I don't wish on ANYONE to have to watch someone they love struggle to breath and die in front of their eyes.  It was the worse thing I have ever been through in my life.  My mom was my best friend.  After I got through the funeral and everything I went to the doctor to get some medication to help me.  The guy I was dating at the time broke up with me maybe about a month after she died.  I nearly had a nervous breakdown.  This is why I say I wish I knew what my mom was going through.  I was a wreck.  I couldn't eat or sleep or function.  I stayed with Becky and Steve for a while and eventually I got better.  We ended up getting back together and when we broke up the last time, it was on Mother's Day because he couldn't understand why I was acting the way I was.  I didn't even care that time.

When my mom died I quit going to church because I was furious.  I was so mad that she had been taken away from me and that my dad was gone too that I just quit.  About 4 months after she died, I had this really strong urge to go back to church, so I did.  And I couldn't wait to go back the next Sunday.  I picked up a bulletin on my way out and when I got home I looked at it and saw an ad for Catholic Match.  So I decided why not, so I looked at it and that's how I found Joe.  To say that my mom had something to do with that is an understatement.    From very early on in our relationship I can remember thinking how much it was going to suck because my parent's weren't going to be able to be there.  And it did, but not nearly as much as them not being here to see Luke.  To know that Luke will never be able to meet my parents just breaks my heart.  They were two such amazing people, not a day goes by that I don't think of them.

So anyway that's there story, for anyone who ever wondered and didn't ask

Busy, Busy mom

Wow, the life of a mom with an on the brink toddler is exhausting!  I think I wrote in my last blog that Luke is walking ALL over now!  He used to only want to walk at home and when we would go somewhere he would become shy about it, but we went bowling (for Becky's retirement) and he was walking all over the bowling alley.  He's becoming really good at it.  He even ran this evening, although he only ran because the doorbell rang and that made Jazmine bark and that in turn scared the heck out of Luke and he took off!  It was so funny, but I felt bad for him at the same time because he was just screaming and crying.  He is not a fan of loud sounds at all!!

On Friday, my mom #2 retired from ADM after 26 years.  We went to Fugi (a habatchi (sp?) grill) for lunch with her husband and some of her work friends.  It was so good and Joe has been begging me to go but I kept telling him I don't like that kind of food.  So he's been gloating that he told me I would like it, and now he's jealous because I got to go and he didn't.  So anyway after that we went back to Becky's work for cake and punch.  She talks about me all the time apparently because everyone said oh this must be Sarah and Luke.  Everyone loved him and he performed of course.  He was just walking around and going into people's cubicles.  I'm so glad that Becky is now retired.  Her husband has been retired for a while so now they can travel and do all sorts of fun things!

Last Tuesday, I drug Gracie to Rock Springs with me to take pictures of Luke because it had been a while since I had done a photo shoot of him.  So we got there and got Luke out and walked to where we wanted to take pictures and I went to take a picture and didn't have the memory card with me!  GRRR  It was WAY to far to come back home to get it and it was supposed to be rainy and cold the rest of the week, so we went back to the car and drove to walgreens so I could get a memory card.  (busy busy mom's forget things sometimes!)  He was WAY more interested in picking up sticks and chewing on them than he was looking at the camera and smiling.  But I still got some cute pictures.
There are sooooo many more that I need to edit and I will put them on facebook when they are done, but here are a few.

I think one of the best birthday presents I ever got was the professional camera that Joe got me.  I taught myself how to take pictures on it, and taught myself how to use Photoshop.  It has saved a ton on not having to get professional pictures taken all the time, although I am always begging Joe to go so we can all get in the picture.  As I was editing tonight I decided to show off my creative abilities and show you before and after pictures.

That's all for tonight's blog.  I am headed to bed!

Luke's walking!

About a week and a half ago, Luke decided to start walking without being prompted or having to walk between mommy and daddy.  He just let go of the couch and started walking.  He's still wobbly and doesn't walk too far, until last night that is.  He walked from the couch all the way to the door, and pretty quickly.  He practically runs with his truck now.  He still takes it everywhere.  Not a whole lot has happened since my last post.  We've all been sick and still trying to get over it 2 weeks later!  This past Tuesday my uncle Melvin (my mom's brother) passed away so Saturday we went down to Wendelin for the funeral and got to see lots of family.  It was nice to see them but I wish it could have been on better terms. 

I took Luke to the Children's Museum this past week.  We met Andrea and her son Luke (LOL).  He is 13 months old, so they are close in age which is nice.  He is running!  I have a feeling my Luke isn't far behind!  We went to the circus a couple a weekends ago and her Luke keep giving my Luke hugs!  It was the cutest thing ever!  I try to get Luke to give me hugs and he just pushes me away and goes about his business. LOL  Maybe one day.....I think the boys had fun at the museum.  I know that Andrea and I were worn out after it!

Playing in the garden

Future grill master, daddy would be so happy!

Being silly

The two Luke's...future engineers maybe?

What are you??

We tried to get the other Luke's picture with Ronald and he was NOT having it! LOL

On Friday night Sheree, Lindsey, Gracie, and me went to a bar in Illiopolis called Bunkers.  They have country concerts there sometimes and we went to see Bucky Covington and Craig Campbell.  Illiopolis is a VERY small town so the bar is very intimate.  It's a pretty cool place.  We were so tired of standing on concrete floor that we decided to leave early and we were standing in line for the bathroom and we saw Bucky Convington just walking through the bar.  So we tracked him down and got our picture taken with him.  He really put on a good show!

How could I forget the cute Easter pictures?

I just realized I forgot to put the Easter pictures in the last blog post.  So here they are!!

Mommy and Luke

Family picture

Daddy and Luke

I love this picture

such a big boy!

Easter bunny brought him lots!

excited to see what the Easter bunny brought

trying to push his popper

his lawnmower so he can help daddy with the yard

Finding Easter eggs

He was very good at finding them

I love this picture.  He's so cute!

hum, what's in here?

Easter zoo

Luke and mommy have been very busy lately.  On Tuesdays we have swimming lessons at 9. Classes last till 9:30, but they say we can stay and play however long we want.  So we stay and play around.  Then we go to Babytalk at 10:30.  It lasts till 11:00.  On Thursdays we go to Kindermuik which Luke loves.  It starts at 9:30 and goes till 10:15 or so.  And then the rest of the week, we grocery shop sometimes, go out to eat, or whatever else I can think of to do. 

Luke's first swimming class was this Tuesday.  To say he loved it is an understatement.  He is not the least bit scared of the water.  He took to it like a duck.  He will even stand on the edge of the pool and jump to me.  On one hand this is good, on the other it is bad because of the pool we have in our backyard.  He will have lots of fun this summer swimming and mommy will be worried about him because he is not scared at all.  He is just going to have to live in his life jacket for the summer! 

He is very active and into EVERYTHING these days!  He doesn't sit still unless he's asleep.  He pushes his CAT truck around the house a thousand times a day.  He can walk by himself, but at this point he wants to either crawl or push his truck.  He's so funny walking though because he holds his arms straight out and looks like a little zombie.  All the kids in his kindermusik class can walk and I think he wants to walk but just isn't so sure about it yet.  I'm sure one day he will just take off.  He is going to be quite the climber too. 

Over the Easter weekend, we went to a free Easter egg hunt at the zoo.  To say it was a zoo is an understatement.  Some of the "finer" people in Decatur ran around the 0-5 year old section dragging their kids practically pulling their arm out of the socket just to try and find eggs that rattled to get a free Easter basket.  Luke found one, sat down and started chewing on it.  Good enough for me.

Waiting to hunt for eggs

Love his little face

All denim lady was the one I was talking of earlier

Got an egg!

  The zoo was free that day too (I've decided I would rather pay and avoid all of the annoying people)  Luke rode the carousal.  I don't know he knew what to think of it.  He rode the cheetah

He loved to look at the animals.  I would point them out and he would look at them.  But he really liked the petting zoo.  There were goats running all over the place.  He was very interested in figuring out what these things were.  There were two baby goats and they were hiding (for good reason).  He did pet them.  The girl in the picture was going to just take his hand and take him away.  It was funny.

We also rode on the train which he just sat and looked around. 

On Sunday, the Easter bunny came and left some eggs in the yard and an Easter basket full of fun stuff.  He got a lawn mower, some Sesame Street books, an Elmo sippy cup, a big Easter bunny (which he wanted really bad when I put it in the cart, but didn't really care about it when he got it) and a popper pushing thing.  He liked hunting Easter eggs.  He walked around and picked them up.  He was very good at spotting them in the yard.  He even crawled in the grass, which if you've seen my other blogs, you know he's not fond of grass.  So we had a really good Easter.  I can't believe that in less than a month he is going to be a year old, which reminds me I need to get invitations out. 

Just a couple of days ago he really started saying "mama." And now he says it ALL THE TIME!  He walks around, pushing his truck just saying mamamamamamamama.  So cute!  He says random words like all gone Sunday when he was sitting in bed with us.  I have no clue what was all gone, but he sure said all gone.  He says "dada" too.  We're working on Elmo, and Ball.

Well my cheese sticks are here so I'm going to go eat.  They are not on our diet, but Joe and I have been sick this week and haven't worked out (yet I've lost 2 pounds and ate crappy....)